Helle Meri (47) lives the life of the First Lady of Estonia, her first term in the ''office'' will end in the beginning of October. The First Lady will be re-elected only together with the president.

Lennart Meri, Helle Meri and Tuule Meri live in Kadriorg in the annex of the Office of the President which has been rebuilt into a residence. The summer residence is in Paslepa. There is no place they could call their own home.

When you accepted the gold badge of UNICEF and the bouquet of flowers sent by Roger Moore in the beginning of July, you said that everybody must think of their childhood dreams and then it will be understood, what children want now. What was your childhood like?

The earliest childhood memory I have is from the time I was four years old, the year Stalin died. I remember that we helped our parents stand in the queue for meat and sugar. We bought very good butter from the market. The market opened early in the morning and I had to wake up early to get there with my mother.

The bag of sugar was kept on top of the cupboard in our house. There was fine sugar in it and we were not allowed to touch it. On Sundays a sugar loaf was taken and broken into pieces to have something sweet to eat. It was already back then that I decided I was strong enough not to want any sweets. If I could not get any, I did not want any.

When I was five I got my first very own dress. But they were laying concrete in the town and I did not know it would stick. My dress was ruined and I cried a lot.

Did you live in Rapla?

Yes, in the middle of the town. The clubhouse was on one side, the sports fields on the other and the third neighbour was the co-operative shop. The fourth neighbour was the fire depot.

Fire fighting competitions, the agricultural exhibition and confirmation in the church were the highlights in the life of the town. When it was Easter, I never understood why they would not allow us into the kitchen. They told we would scare the bunnies away. But the bunnies were not afraid of the old people in the kitchen. The most beautiful time for us children was waiting for Christmas.

I read in you biography that your father was a blacksmith.

My father was the blacksmith for the fire fighters. My mother worked in the post office and also worked as the caretaker in the mornings to feed the family. This was a very hard life, we had to get up at around five o'clock. I was spared sometimes since I was the youngest, but my sister always had to give her everything.

We often went to my father's shop, he made pickaxes, crowbars and other tools for firemen. We and the boys used wooden blocks to make cars and we also made a boat.

The first TV sets were brought to the town in 1955. One of them was in the post office, one in the fire depot and one in the co-operative. Sometimes we were allowed to watch children's programs.

We earned some money by hoeing in the sovkhoz. I used the money to buy a sports bag and I was really proud about my first purchase.

Back then, girls in Tallinn schools were taught to make teeth for iron rakes in their handicrafts classes. What was it like in Rapla?

In the end of the eighth year I had to sew an overall and this was very useful. Production training started in secondary school. I could choose between teacher of English or pioneer leader and elementary school teacher. I chose the second option. I often went to competitions and knew that there would not be enough time for learning a language. Even though I would have preferred to learn the language.

How did you start playing basketball?

We did a lot of sports in Rapla. The co-operative had two basketball courts and a tennis court, which was converted into an ice-rink in winter. When I was in the fifth grade the Rapla Sports School was opened. For the first six months I dealt with gymnastics, table tennis, athletics and basketball. The basketball trainer just came and recruited me, I would not have been able to decide myself.

I played basketball until the end of secondary school. I was asked to go to Tartu and play in the university team, but I had decided to go to acting school. In Tartu I would have lived in a hotel and earned 110 roubles a month for playing in the university team. I would probably have learned history in the university, but I was afraid that I might be sent to competitions during exam sessions.

Even though it was hard I decided to give up basketball. For a whole year I commuted between Rapla and Pirita for work. The next year I was admitted to the acting school. They even came to my work to convince me not to give up basketball.

How did you come to the theatre?

Theatre has been my secret love since the fourth grade. When a competition or training camp was in Tallinn, I spent all evenings in the theatre. I sat in the third gallery which cost me 20 kopecks and watched all the performances in the Drama Theatre. I saw the earlier ones on TV, like ''A View from the Bridge'', ''Peer Gynt'', ''Don Carlos''.

16 boys and nine girls were admitted to the acting school that year. Four girls graduated. It was a beautiful, spiritual time. I would not say the school was bohemian, there was just a special freedom. Panso had a hard time with us, we really were his puppies.

The time I was in acting school was extraordinarily liberal. We really stuck together in our course which was a surprise for many. The teachers were extremely pro-Estonia. Helmi Tohvelmann, Karl Ader. I do not think that this spirit of giving to the others, of being committed to Estonia was so strongly felt anywhere else. Maybe somewhat in the Estonian Student Squad.

Where were you in the ESS?

The first time we built a shop close to the road in Uulu. We lived in a church which at that time was used as a gym. Three times a day I cooked for 30 people. After that the group from our school built a shop in Halliste.

How did you get to the Drama Theatre?

Voldemar Panso had just become the chief stage manager in the Drama Theatre. He selected Kersti Kreismann, Juhan Viiding, Tõnis Rätsep, Igor Kurve, Rein Kotkas, Martin Veinmann and me.

The four women who stayed with the were not very lucky in the school. The boys had good performances, like ''Seven Brothers'', we were left out a bit. We tried with different directors, but nothing was finished. We made ''Mikumärdi'' in less than a month so that the girls would also get a grade and diploma.

Going to the Drama Theatre was like throwing a kitten in the water. We had played ''Mikumärdi'' in front of an audience four times only. The boys had been to Finland with ''Seven Brothers''. I had not even felt yet what real theatre was like. In summer me and Kersti were immediately sent to rehearsals, Hermann Bahr's ''Man, Woman and Concert'' opened in Tartu in autumn. This is how my real school started.

There were many famous actors in the Drama Theatre back then. What was the atmosphere like?

The atmosphere was somewhat awkward. Panso had dismissed many actors and replaced them with young ones. We did not realise it then. The good feeling between actors helped to live in the Drama Theatre. We got along well with the older actors, men were gentlemen back then.

We were apprentices in the theatre. My example was Ellen Liiger, she always said what she thought and this helped a lot. Older colleagues - Aino Talvi. Velda Otsus - were very nice towards the young ones.

Can an actor stay away from the stage without becoming ''rusty''?

Oh God, how am I supposed to know?

What is the performance that you remember best?

''Colour of the Clouds'' and ''House of Silence'' by Jaan Kruusvall really touched hearts.

What was actress Helle Pihlak like when she was not in the theatre? You are considered extremely modest, but obviously this is not the case.

I have always liked to meet my friends and invite them to my home. Nobody has left our house with an empty stomach. Maybe I am modest, so far it has not bothered me.

Where did you travel before your current office?

I went to Yugoslavia as a tourist in 1975. I would have been able to go to Norway for the annual bonus that actors received, but that would have spoiled the guest performances in Tartu, so I did not go. The trip to Norway was compensated later when people from the theatre went to Portugal and Paris. This was a very beautiful trip. At the end of secondary school I went to Finland with the basketball team.

I have travelled mostly in Estonia, the theatre spent a lot of time on wheels. Tours have also taken me to Moscow, Leningrad, Vladivostok, East-Berlin.

Will Tuule Meri become an actress, basketball player or someone else?

She is growing up so fast that she will be able to wear my clothes soon. She does aerobics, but does not play the ball. She has to decide for herself.

Is 11-year old Tuule different from you when you were the same age?

I was more independent. But the situation in our family was also a lot different.

Are there many situations where you have to set limits for yourself? For example, for reasons of security?

Nobody tells me what I am allowed to do. There is one thing that I am not allowed to do. I am not allowed to drive a car and this is a pity. Driving a car is a sign of freedom, I could go everywhere, like to the countryside, whenever I wanted to.

How has being the president's daughter affected Tuule's life, has she had a normal childhood?

Of course she has. There are some borders she is not supposed to cross, but she has accepted them, there are no problems. Maybe she rebels against them inside, but she is a smart girl.

Are you baptised?

Yes, I am. I am a somewhat pagan Christian. When I am in direct contact with the nature, then I can work everything out.

Someone is watching over us on the clouds above?

Maybe not from the clouds, he must be in people themselves.

Your first term of office is coming to its end. Has any etiquette for the First Lady been developed?

No. I have had very few helpers. Any etiquette to be followed inside Estonia is still being developed. My husband calls me ''first mommy'' instead of ''first lady''.

You have reminded the public that all children should receive warm lunches in school. You, even though you have cooked for 30 student squad members, can not cater for schoolchildren?

I believe that a grain of sand can make a landslide. Now it is time for societies, sponsors and the state to act. There are certainly officials who felt this is what they have left undone. I am glad if this is the case. I remember from my own childhood what a sugar bag on top of the cupboard means.

I do not have the money for it, we have used the possibilities of the President's Cultural Fund. Money from there was also used to help Saaremaa Union Gymnasium which suffered in the fire. In the future the Cultural Fund could become a kind of charity fund which the president's wife could help to increase and use.

Charity was very widely discussed during the jubilee of UNICEF. Was any help offered?

Estonian people are modest, I would not go to someone and ask for something and there is not much that could change it. Good words are important. I have been lucky in my life, I have many good friends and I hope that Estonian children also have many good friends.

Last year you opened an SOS Children's Village in Keila together with Märtha-Louise, Princess of Norway and Lilian, Princess of Sweden. What is your connection to the Children's Village?

I communicate a lot with Princess Lilian, but the invitation to Keila came out of the blue. They called me the day before and asked me to come the next day. Such ''out of the blue'' things are very frequent. Unfortunately I am alone in my office, I have no helpers or secretary.

When you are on a foreign visit, everything goes according to plan?

Of course, but there are two parties involved. There is something to learn on every visit and there are some things you forget to learn on every visit. While on such visits you represent your state in another state. This could be compared to the Olympic Games, only bringing the gold home is obligatory. So far we have been rather naļve. Very often people fail to understand how much a state can benefit from a successful visit.

Preparing such visits is hard work. How do you prepare for them and where do you get the information?

I have to read books, study encyclopaedias. Unfortunately it is hard to do everything on your own.

Let us talk about money. Obviously you have been strong in money matters since your childhood and managed on small amounts.

I do not draw a budget on paper. But when I know where I could suddenly need more money, we are very economical. Expenses can be very big.

When was the last time you did not have enough cash?

Not enough cash? I have no money. I have a bank card, but there is no money on my account. When I need cash, I ask from my husband. This is the first time that I have to ask money from my husband, earlier I have always managed on my own.

Who would you like to invite to visit you?

It is important to treat everybody the same way you did five or ten years ago. I would like to invite my dear colleagues over, they are so tactful, they worry about me and do not interfere with my present life. Of course I owe them a lot.

You have been complemented on you style. How did you meet fashion designer Kai Saar?

This was before the state visit to Denmark. There were some things in the wardrobe, but nothing to wear for the visit to the Royal Palace. We sold our car to get money for the clothes. The president did not have a tail coat. There was some panic and my friend recommended Kai Saar. You can argue over taste, but together with Kai we always get the best result.

And jewellery designed Jaan Pärn?

He came into my life like an elf and offered to lend me the jewellery he has made.

Are you happy with your life, would your parents be proud of you?

I have never though that there are things I can not achieve. I just pull myself together and start doing what I have to, I have never needed time for preparation. I have managed on my own and this is what makes me the happiest.

I hope that I am still myself and believe that my parents would be happy about it. Pride or giving praise was not a tradition in our family.


Epp Alatalu

back | archive of speeches and interviews | main page